


Safety in Love

by deathishauntedbyhumans



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Abundance of Tags, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charlie is briefly in there as Nuwanda, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this 1000 years ago, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Keating is mostly just mentioned, M/M, NEIL LIVES AU, Neil Perry Lives, Running Away, anderperry, finally typed it up to post, flangst, hello there's a lot of dps angst, i'm here to fix that, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 08:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathishauntedbyhumans/pseuds/deathishauntedbyhumans
Summary: Todd comes to Neil before he has a chance to get the gun.





	1. Frozen

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this YEARS ago and it's been riding around in a folder in my backpack and I finally have decided to post it on here! We need some good shit in this fandom.

“Neil?” 

The whisper broke through the room at the same time a shudder wracked the boy’s naked form, though he refused to acknowledge either. He was too far inside of his own head, too far gone to crack open his eyes or move away from the open window. The owner of the voice didn’t seem to need permission, however, to reach out and touch his arm with fingers that had obviously been warmed by a glove that had just been removed. 

“Neil.” 

The whisper was more sure, now, but the boy didn’t move. No, he stayed as still as he could despite the tremors plowing through him, his eyes shut tightly against the whiteness of snow. He had been alone when he’d opened the window. He had been sure of it. 

“Neil… you’re scaring me.” 

Numbly, slowly, Neil forced his eyes open. That whisper…

He knew that whisper. 

Countless quiet nights in the darkness of their room past curfew, when neither of them could sleep. Countless nights of poetry around a pile of stolen, half-eaten snacks, voices mingling and rising up towards the twinkling stars above their cave. 

He couldn’t force himself to respond, his lips too numb to even think about forming a whisper of their own. 

“You’re freezing.” 

The whisper was concerned, and he felt another hand on his other arm, rough material of a well-worn mitten gently scratching against his skin. 

“Come here.” 

And then he felt someone crawl past him through the window. Careful arms drew him close, and he found himself shuddering, pressing into the warmth that threatened to melt the icy numbness he’d surrounded himself with since his father had begun to yell at him. He was only half-aware of the sigh of relief his saviour exhaled. 

“...Todd?” 

It seemed like an age before Neil had managed to gather enough of himself to speak. The window had long since been shut, and he was huddled beneath his comforter in the arms of his roommate. His crown was no longer on his head, and he didn’t know where it was. 

He couldn’t bring himself to care. 

His voice was cracked and rough, but he was proud that he’d at least managed to push the word out. 

“Hey, Neil.”

“Why…? How’re you--?” 

Todd swallowed audibly, but didn’t shy away from the question. 

“I told Keating that I was worried about you. I… I told him that if he didn’t take me here, that I was gonna… um, that I was going to run off and find my own way. He, uh… He didn’t have much of a choice.” 

There were fingers splayed against Neil’s back, and he felt them twitch as Todd spoke, though he couldn’t focus on it. It seemed that he couldn’t focus on anything for more than a few seconds, even when he tried to concentrate. 

“Where’s K-Keating now?” Neil hated the way his voice cracked when he spoke, and he was glad that Todd said nothing about it. 

“I’m not sure. I ran out of the car, so I could find your room? It was stupid. But I just… I had this  _ feeling  _ that something was wrong, y’know? Your father… He looked so angry, when you left the play. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something… that something awful was going to happen.” 

Neil shivered, and Todd must have felt it, because he felt his arms tighten around his lithe frame. “My father--” 

“He hurt you.” Todd cut him off, didn’t let him finish. “I’m not blind, Neil. You looked so hollow when you left… I barely recognised you. I couldn’t just-- I couldn’t just let you deal with it on your own.” 

“I’m not your responsibility, Todd,” Neil whispered. Todd huffed softly. Neil felt his breath blow against the top of his head. 

“And I wasn’t yours. But you made me feel included. No one else has ever done that before. If I can help you… I will.” 

“I can’t--” Neil’s voice broke, and out of nowhere, he found himself sobbing, unrestrained gasping that bubbled up from somewhere deep and hurt inside of him. He shoved his face against Todd’s shoulder, and he could feel a hand moving carefully against his lower back in an attempt to soothe him. The emotion, raw and pure and  _ real _ , was something he could never have let out in front of his father. Not even his mother would have understood his need to cry and be heard, and she would have told his father if she ever saw it, regardless. But he wasn’t afraid of Todd. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Neil’s sobbing had turned to heavy breathing, and his limbs trembled with the effort of keeping himself at a relative calm. “He’s never going to let me do anything. I thought that maybe, maybe, if he saw me acting, he would… But no, he--” His voice broke again, but he forced himself to continue regardless. “He told me to forget about it. He doesn’t give a shit about me, Todd.” He nosed against Todd’s shoulder, tears absorbing into the other boy’s shirt. “I was good,” he whispered. “I was really good.” 

He could feel Todd shifting, moving, and so he pulled his face out of his shoulder to look at him. He found Todd nodding in what appeared to be vehement agreement. 

“Everyone-- Everyone else saw it, Neil. You should have seen Keating’s face when you bowed… He was proud of you, so proud. We all are. And if your father can’t see that…” Todd trailed off, a look of determination sparking across his features. “Then damn it, he doesn’t deserve to have you as his son.” 

Surprise flicked through Neil, and it momentarily overwhelmed everything else. For just a second, the shock of the curse that had fallen from Todd’s lips was more important than the numb desperation that had fallen over him. It was… comforting, he found himself thinking, that Todd cared so much about him that he would  _ curse _ on his behalf. 

“I don’t want to forget about acting. I’d rather-- I’d rather  _ die _ . I’d rather  _ die _ than forget it.” 

“I know,” Todd whispered, and Neil let his head drop back against his shoulder. Somehow, the whisper was just as comforting as the curse. 

There was a long silence between them, not uncomfortable, broken only by Neil’s sniffling. Todd finally shifted against him and spoke.

“We should just run away.” 

Neil slowly pulled back and looked at Todd again. “What?” 

“You. And me. We should just… go. Get out of here. Leave… Leave Welton, and our parents. You’ll be eighteen… really soon. And no one can bother you after.” Neil pulled back to look at him again, watching Todd’s face as he stumbled and then stated quietly, “Your father can’t get to you if you run away.” 

It took Neil a moment to find his voice. “Both of us?” he asked, his voice cracking in the middle of the question, although he was past his embarrassment. He was crying into the other boy’s chest, for fuck’s sake. 

“I mean…” It was difficult to see, but Neil could have sworn that Todd was blushing. “Why not? Neither of us have any… you know. Real attachment to Welton, besides the club and Keating. It would be--” 

Todd was interrupted by a call of Neil’s name from outside of the room; both boys startled violently at the sound. 

“Shit.” Neil sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his wrist and scrambling up and out of Todd’s arms in one awkward movement. He kept his comforter wrapped around him, and held out a hand for Todd, tugging him up. 

“Todd, if he finds you here, we’re both screwed.” Neil turned away from him, grabbing his pyjama pants and pulling them on, tossing his comforter back towards his bed and narrowly missing a frozen-looking Todd. “We can talk about this back at school. But I can guarantee I won’t be allowed to go back if he catches you.” 

Wordlessly, Todd nodded, stumbling over the comforter that had half-landed on the floor and heading for the window as Neil’s name was called again, the sound just outside his room. 

“Go, go!” Neil hissed, diving onto his bed, wiping his face again on his pillowcase before lying down and trying to look casual. The window clicked shut just as the door handle turned, and Neil sat up in bed, turning towards the doorway as his father shoved the door open. 

“Neil, get your ass downstairs this  _ instant _ and tell your  _ idiot  _ of a teacher that you are  _ fine _ ,” his father growled. Neil frowned, trying to act as though his heart wasn’t beating a mile a minute. 

“Father, what? I don’t und--” 

“Just  _ go _ .” Neil’s father left the room, and as soon as he was out of sight, Neil’s shoulders relaxed and he dropped his face into his hands. It didn’t take more than thirty seconds for his window to creak open and click shut once more. The bed dipped, and then a hand dropped cautiously against his upper back. 

“I’m fine,” he answered, voice muffled. He cleared his throat and forced himself to sit up, dropping his hands helplessly into his lap. 

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Todd answered quietly, and Neil glanced towards him and then had to force himself to look away again, his eyes burning, tears threatening a second time. 

“I have to go talk to Keating.” Neil leaned into the touch at his back a moment longer before pushing himself up and off of his bed. “Thank you, Todd.” 

Todd let his hand fall away, shaking his head as Neil picked himself up off the bed. “You don’t… You don’t have to thank me. I just… I want you to… be okay. You’re… really important to me, Neil.” 

Throat tight, Neil attempted to turn and offer Todd a smile. He wasn’t sure if it worked. “You too. You’re important to me, too.” His voice was raw, and he swallowed hard. 

“I’ll see you at school?” Todd offered, looking no more placated, standing up as well. 

“Yeah.” Neil bit his lip, and started to turn, but was stopped by Todd’s hand on his arm as the other boy suddenly lunged forward. 

“Todd?” Neil turned back to face him, and…

Then his brain stopped working entirely, because Todd looked utterly, uncharacteristically determined and he was pushing his head forward and then their lips were touching and they were  _ kissing _ ?

Neil wasn’t actually sure it could have been described as kissing, given his own lack of response out of shock and Todd’s lack of… finesse. When Todd pulled away, his face was bright red, and Neil’s hands were shaking. 

“You just--?” Neil began, staring at him. In just a few short seconds, Todd had somehow managed to completely melt the ice that had embedded itself in his heart, and he felt like he could breathe again.

His question was interrupted by another angry yell of Neil’s name from below them, and Neil felt his own face flush as Todd jumped away from him. 

“I’m gonna… go, um… Bye!” 

Before Neil could catch him, Todd had darted across the room and out the window, and Neil was left to listen to the buzz of voices downstairs. 

After another few seconds, Neil turned slowly and opened a drawer, pulling out a shirt and tugging it on. He felt numb, but it wasn’t the freezing sort of numb that he had felt before. Instead, he felt… like there was something  _ more _ waiting just out of sight, that he just needed to reach out and grasp before it slipped away. He left the room in a haze and made his way down the stairs, taking as much time as he damn well pleased. 


	2. Thawed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath, and the decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop died earlier before I could post the second chapter... I had it all written and everything. Hope y'all enjoy!

Neil didn’t end up back at school for several days. The faces of The Dead Poets were drawn and pale, and many of them feared that the worst had happened. (It was difficult for them, too, because every single one of them had a different idea of what the worst thing would be.) Todd stayed in his dorm when he didn’t have classes, and Keating avoided speaking to any of them when he wasn’t teaching a lesson. Even when Nuwanda approached him and demanded answers, Keating told him that he didn’t know anything, and that they needed to focus on their studies. Nuwanda relayed this is a disheartened voice, stopping by Todd’s dorm on his way to an emergency Dead Poets meeting that Todd didn’t feel right going to. 

It was on the first day of their break that Neil returned. A break from classes didn’t mean a break from the work, but it did mean that students could head home for the holiday if they chose to do so. Out of the club, Meeks was the only one who chose to leave. 

Todd was huddled in his bed, under Neil’s blanket, when his roommate himself walked through the door. There was an expression on his face that Todd couldn’t quite place, but Neil didn’t give him much time to try. 

“Todd!” In two seconds flat, Neil had dropped his bag on the floor, slammed the door shut, and had bounded across the room to cannonball onto the bed, directly on top of Todd. Todd let out a noise as the air rushed out of him, but didn’t complain. Instead, he hesitantly snaked an arm out from under the blanket and wrapped it around Neil, revelling in the way the other boy curled up comfortably on top of him. 

Gone was the frozen Neil who had terrified him the last time Todd had seen him. This Neil was the Neil who had planned to audition for  _ Midsummer  _ with a glint in his eye and a wicked smile on his face. This was the Neil that had gotten him into the Dead Poets Society in the first place. 

“Where have you been?” Todd asked, once he’d gotten enough air back in him to ask the question. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Neil’s answer was flippant, as he shifted on top of him. Todd blinked as Neil’s face was suddenly inches away from his own, and his face flushed as he remembered how he had left things, the idiotic move he’d made, the feelings that had boiled over until he hadn’t known anything else to do with them. “Did you mean what you said?” 

It took Todd a second to focus enough to answer. “I… What?” 

Neil grinned fiercely at him, and Todd’s breath was knocked away again, this time by the brilliant, beautiful boy staring at him like he was the only thing in the entire world worth looking at. 

“Did you mean what you said? Would you really run away with me?” 

Todd blinked twice, and then slowly nodded, the motion awkward from his position lying on the bed. “I-I mean yeah, I would, but we would--” 

Neil interrupted him by letting his head drop down, sealing his lips over Todd’s stumbling one’s, cutting him off abruptly. If this was going to be a new way to shut him up, Todd was pretty sure he was okay with it. More than okay, actually, he decided as Neil murmured his name against his lips and Todd realised that he hadn’t actually responded. He tried to copy Neil’s movements and was rewarded with the feeling of a grin against his lips, which… broke the kiss, admittedly, but Todd didn’t really mind. 

“You’re so goddamn cute,” Neil breathed out, and Todd flushed even harder. Neil pecked his lips once more before pulling back once more and letting his head rest against Todd’s shoulder instead. “We’re leaving. Tonight.” 

Todd’s mind felt pleasantly fuzzy, and then the words registered with him. He bolted up into a sitting position, dumping Neil into his lap instead. Neil didn’t seem very put-out by the shift, and merely got comfortable in his lap instead. 

“What?!” 

“Nuwanda’s getting us out.” He paused, glancing at Todd’s face, covered in an expression of disbelief, and made a puppy-dog face in return. “Todd… Jeez, okay. If you hadn’t come, and convinced Keating to come…” He shook his head a tiny bit, one jerky motion. “I don’t know what the hell I would have done. It… It wouldn’t have been good. I wasn’t lying when I… when I said I’d rather die, than… not act.” He ignored Todd’s sharp intake of breath, pressing onward. “My father is planning visits to the school, every month, to make sure I don’t do anything he doesn’t like. I have money, Nuwanda pulled some girl’s number out of his ass --she’s got a pickup truck, she’s going to bring us to a bus station-- and… It’s foolproof! We can get out of her.” One hand groped briefly, and finally took one of Todd’s in it. “I need out of here. I can’t… I  _ can’t  _ live with him controlling me. I need-- God, I need to live my own life. I’ve thought a lot about this. I… I wouldn’t ask anyone else, but… Geez, Todd, I can’t imagine living without you. Not anymore. Especially not after--” he wiggled a little bit, and Todd wondered if it was possible for a person to blush so hard they spontaneously combusted. “There  _ is  _ a reason I worked so hard to get you to like me, you know. I’ve been into you since I met you.” 

Neil finally fell silent, and there was a long, pregnant pause before Todd could find his voice in order to respond. 

“You,” he said softly. “Are insane.” He wrapped his hand firmly around Neil’s as he spoke, fondness lacing the disbelief in his tone. “But… Neil… I can’t imagine living here, going on… I can’t do that if you’re not here. I don’t think I could do it anywhere if you weren’t there. So… I’ll do it.” 

“You’ll do it?” Neil asked, eyes shining. 

Todd nodded. “Yeah. I’ll do it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someday this might get more? But for now it's finished. My original idea, if I remember correctly, was going to chronicle their """new life together""" as runaways, but I never got the inspiration to make that happen. (If anyone ever gets the urge to create a sequel, I would actually cry.) 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love! 
> 
> Come scream about things with me on tumblr: deathishauntedbyhumans

**Author's Note:**

> YO I hope you liked my words. I cry every time I watch this goddamn movie. 
> 
> Kudos/Comments are love! 
> 
> Come scream about stuff on my tumblr; I'm also deathishauntedbyhumans on there.


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